Not My Job Man

Is it ever okay to say, "Fuck'em?" When somebody comes to me saying they want help and then persistently screws up, when can I say, "You know what man, you need to move along?" Do I even have a right to adopt that attitude? I know a lot of folks would say that God never gave up on me so I can't give up on anyone, blah, blah, blah...Well, when do I stop being of assistance and start being an enabler?

                I think after the first time you answer someone's plea for help, and they mess up after you give it, you're off the hook. Anything else is on you. If I ever find myself thinking, "WTF is wrong with this person?" ,  I haven't accepted the simple fact that I can't control anyone's behavior. That's dangerous ground spiritually.

                There's only one thing that someone in a position of teaching can do: Tell someone else what they know. It's the listeners job to act on it and the teacher carries no responsibility to ensure that they do so. Poke, prod and cajole into learning what you came to me seeking? No. Clean up your mess after you didn't act on what you've heard? No. Not my job man.

                Throughout my life, I heard a lot of good advice and was told by many folks how to turn things around. I didn't listen to anyone. An awful lot of people(myself included) experienced a lot of needless suffering due to this. When I had personally had enough though, I remembered everything I had been told and used that knowledge to get on a different path. These people didn't follow me around repeatedly picking me up and pointing me in the right direction, they had moved on. My point is this, I will tell you what I know and then back off. I have no idea how and when that information you get from me will be processed or used. Maybe never. What I've done for someone or told to someone may simply not be enough to turn that little light bulb on in their head.

                Of course, if someone is just asking me how to turn on a computer and I tell them to press the power button and they instead put a pencil in the USB port, no one would blame me for running that person out of the room. Why should it be any different if someone comes to me with their life, emotions and spirit in a shambles?

                Scenario: Someone comes to me with a drug problem and asks me to teach them how to get sober. I tell them the only way I know how to do this: pray, meditate and try not to be a self-centered jerk in the process. Two weeks later, they are still a mess and when questioned if they are doing what I suggested they answer, "No" to any one thing. I tell them to have a nice life then and walk away. "Call me when you're sober, bro." Makes you uncomfortable, huh? Why? I don't have any more knowledge to give. I can't force anyone to act, that would be illegal. I don't have that authority. I don't know when the right combination of  input and experience will click with a person to make a change kick in. I don't know how big the pile of bullshit needs to be for any individual to finally break and become open to a new idea. Either do you. Heaven help the poor soul that we latch onto thinking we are going to be it's savior. No human power can do that.

                My focus is on me. If I continue to worry about my own growth, and take steps to do so, it will reflect in every aspect of my life. My personal relationships grow. I will continue to be a person that meets his responsibilities. I will not introduce chaos into your life, nor allow yours to linger in mine. I learn every day. The more I learn about myself, the more I can impart to someone who seeks.

                There's a great prayer that has tremendous influence in my life. I constantly find myself drawn back to it, to meditate on its words and contemplate their implications. Once I got past the Christian "Thee's" and "Thou's" and focused on what it was imploring, I fell in love with the power of its emotion.

"God, I offer myself to Thee-to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of life. May I do Thy will always!"

Alcoholics Anonymous pg63

This is what changed my life. "God, I offer myself to Thee-to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt..." I was done trying to fix myself. Nobody else could fix me. I asked what ever power(s) that be to fix me however It saw fit. No stipulations from me. I was willing to be changed into a totally different organism if that was as "Thou wilt." The next part is important too, "Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will." I was unwilling to accept external guidance. Every move I made, every decision reached, every action taken, came from my self will. I was unteachable. The bondage of self kept me immobilized in a state of non-change. The self was rancid. It could not repair it's own decay. Your car won't fix itself. I asked God to do this. Some folks would interject at this point, that God speaks to them through other human beings. But if I'm taught that no human power can fix me, this is obviously not the case. Spiritual folk may impart what they have come to realize, but they don't have the power to fix me. "Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness..." Remove my obsession. The one that no one could help me with. Let folks see that it is gone. Let them ask how it was done. And finally, let me continue to remember this compact. Let me continue to grow. Let me continue to be an example. Not an enforcer. Not a proclaimer or denouncer.

                I can't live by this creed and think I have the power to convince anyone of anything. I can only tell what I've come to believe. I cannot impose my will upon others. It violates this compact I've made. It would seek to put me in charge, which was where I started. I am responsible for my own spiritual well being and cannot presume to be responsible for anyone else's. I would just be getting in God(s) way.

I cannot save you.