Well I'm feeling a bit ashamed of myself today. Had a run in with a preacher who jumped into a conversation I was having with another friend. I don't know why dealing with judgmental religious folks never ceases to "trip my trigger(Thank you for this great saying, my Sweet Sonja)." I don't necessarily care what another person believes, it's not my business. Why do I care if that belief causes them to be narrow minded and overtly concerned with the spiritual state of others? Very strange behavior on my part indeed.
I think I mentioned earlier the pact I made with God. After struggling with my addictions for 30 some odd years I was finally willing to admit defeat. Some friends who had successfully dealt with their own problems had suggested that asking a higher power than myself for help might work. Initially, this posed a problem for me. Having spent some time studying the literature and doctrines of the most prevalent faith in my country, and finding them wanting, I had dismissed religion entirely. What's a guy supposed to do in that situation. Mention God around here and folks can't even conceive of anything other than an old man with a beard dispensing arbitrary acts of judgments upon his creation seemingly only dependent upon which side of the bed he woke up on. The texts and doctrines have been so distorted by man as to have lost any validity to the rational mind.
I told all this to whatever was listening. I explained that I desperately wanted to be what I was supposed to be but just couldn't get it together or even know what to believe anymore. I said that I would never listen to another man, seek God's word from another text...I only wanted God's direct assistance. Arrogant? I don't think so. All religious tradition talks about God speaking directly to folks and that's what I wanted. The local dogma around my way is that man is inherently incapable of being righteous or godly. However that same dogma expects me to listen to another man tell me what God's will for me is. Ridiculous.
Folks around here are constantly telling me about a book that is God's word. How do they know this? Because the book tells them so. If I read a restaurant's brochure telling me that it's the best restaurant on the planet, does that make it so? If a car company's commercial names itself the best automobile around, does that make it so? We will condemn a person for not believing the same about a book though. Strange.
Any how, after making this pact with God, to never look to another piece of literature or to another man for guidance concerning Him, my obsession was lifted, never to return.
There is a passage in that same book I mentioned earlier that states ,"If a man vow a vow unto the LORD, or swear an oath to bind his soul with a bond; he shall not break his word, he shall do according to all that proceedeth out of his mouth." There's another in there somewhere too that states God remembers oaths and another that says something about a dual minded man being just about useless. How could anyone, knowing the oath I took, and the results I experienced as a result of it AND knowing this text And professing to live by it even remotely consider that it would be a good idea to break my oath? I would no sooner do that than chop off body parts. I have also had a few folks suggest that demons had removed my obsessions just to keep from their "one true way." Welllllll......if that's the case, so be it. Everyone had their chance to answer me, and if only a demon saw fit to do so, it is what it is. Got my doubts about that scenario though. It would have to have been a real positive thinking demon I guess.
Okay, back to it. What do I care about what another person feels I should do? I guess my sense of security is threatened here. In spite of the amazing changes that have taken place in my life by living up to my oath. I certainly can't in good conscience deign to tell anyone else how to manage their relationship with God. Can't hold any double standards, and yet I constantly find myself wanting to go there. I am going to be going back over that oath in my meditations and get back in touch with the implications of it. Would be spiritual suicide not to. Thanks for listening and take care. :)
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