Well it sure has been a while since I put anything down. I almost have too much to write about, so much I've learned about myself in the last few months...I need to put it down to help me make sense of it all.
I guess the most important place to start is boundaries. Boundaries. I've been taught that if I have a problem with someone, the problem is within me. It would seem that I have grossly misinterpreted this statement. I took it to mean that whenever I was uncomfortable in a relationship or situation, I was the root of the problem. This is ironic because, truly, I've felt that way my whole life. After all, what else is low self-esteem except the belief that you don't measure up? Somehow, in a manner not yet known to you, you've fucked up and need to find out what's wrong with you to make someone else happy with you?
Well that's pretty fucking twisted. Get this...know matter what religion or philosophy you subscribe to, no matter your expertise in the arts of forgiveness and compassion, there's folks that need to be told to "Fuck off." Simple as that. Out of the million years, give or take, that man has been on the planet, it's only the last few thousand years that anyone has espoused anything as ludicrous as "Turn the other cheek." Turn your cheek enough and you end up a quivering lunatic who doesn't deserve the title "Human." Dog or cow perhaps, but certainly not human.
So boundaries. If you behave in this manner, you will never again be welcomed in my life. "Ahh, but everyone has their faults." "Yeah, well buddy you ain't all that and a bag of chips, you should be a little less harsh." Fuck that.
I never set any healthy boundaries and my identity, my sense of self is shattered in about 6000 contradicting pieces.
So basically, I'm not interested in your opinion of my behavior, I've watched you and I'm not impressed. If I come across someone who strikes me as mentor material, trust me, I'll let them know. Don't volunteer. You'll get upset with my response.
Don't feel you can rip me a new asshole,tell me I am going to burn in any version of hell or volunteer unqualified evaluations of my spiritual state. I will tear your head off. You've been warned.
If you're interested in me romantically, don't make plans for me, or imagine me as you think I "should" be. I've got my own plans and you won't be in them.
Make sure your own back yard is pristine before you let me know how you would have landscaped differently. Believe me, I'll be checking out your house. The minute you offer advice, I'm going to assume you're looking for it as well.
Fair? I think so. Those are a few boundaries. I've already ended some unhealthy relationships with folks who didn't think I deserved to have rules to protect myself. That's another post for another time though.
So listen, if this offends you...fuck it. Beat feet. That's not my problem, there's plenty of folks who still enjoy being manipulated so you can feel good. Delete me...we all gotta have boundaries after all, right? ;)
