He told you to tell me WHAT??

One of the hardest lessons to learn in life is that I'm not special. There probably aren't any special plans for me set in motion by the deity of my choosing and yeah, this very well may be all there is for me. Believe what you want, but you don't know what any gods will is anymore than I do. Before you go quoting scripture and all that, remember, you're only going on what another man told you. You don't "know" shit. That's the essence of faith, believing something someone told you for no other reason than the fact that you like the way it sounds.

                I was always full of grandiose dreams, plans and ideas. That is the main qualifications of a self centered ego, isn't it? Well of course God let me experience all the trouble in my life. He had big plans for me, didn't He? Never mind that I was the cause of all my problems. Never mind that I never had to live the way I did. The Universe's plans hinged on me. Didn't they? Now that I've got some semblance of sanity in my life, It's plans can proceed. Ha!

                I actually believed that for a while. Somehow, my being an asshole for 98% of my life qualified me to be a messenger of God. I was gonna save the world. The funny thing is that this thinking went against everything I was taught. I was taught that all my troubles were of my own making. I was taught that I couldn't..no, didn't even have the right to try to change anyone. And yet, I was going to go on a mission and tell folks how they should live? Laughable.

                Do I have a purpose in life? Well, I'm a biological organism and like every other organism in creation, yeah, I guess I do. That would be to survive. That's the only thing I can be sure of. Haven't been given any other specific instructions. Neither have you. I don't care what you heard on your 700 Club DVD. None of us knows shit.

                I try to avoid telling others how to live, it's dangerous ground for me. I seem to have found some truths that seem to work for me. I might be wrong though. The minute I "know" something, I stop growing. I stop improving. I am claiming perfection in that area. If I start thinking I'm perfect and complete in my knowledge of life, I don't have to focus on myself anymore and that's what got me in trouble in the first place. Thinking I was smarter than the rest of the world and worrying about how it should act. Don't want to go there anymore. I guess if the way I live and think ever impresses anyone I can tell them what I did, but not what I believe. That might change tomorrow. What I think might be truth today, could turn out to reveal itself as a complete absurdity tomorrow. Then what would I do? Spend the rest of my life hunting the people down and tell them I made a mistake? "Woops, fucke'em"  just wouldn't cut it.

                I try to avoid people that claim to be carrying any god's message or doing any god's work. I guess if they were really doing or carrying what they claimed, they wouldn't have to tell anyone...it would be obvious. I can't imagine any higher power needing a lower power as a go between. Heh...heh...didn't need one for Adam, doesn't need one for you or me.

                So yeah, I'm just a guy learning how to accept each moment of my life for what it is. Another moment I won't get back. Hope I made the most of it!

Good advice.