Holy crap. Seems like only a few years ago I decided to get my shit together. Oh yeah, it was relatively a short time ago. Man, I remember long before things started happening, I came across the notion that instead of being a genius(lol) it might be a good idea to start conditioning myself with the mantra every morning of, "Dude, you don't know shit." I fully believe that this opened the door to change. Sure as shit took a while, but there was a lot of ego in the way. Heh heh...,How quick I forgot though. Pretty soon I knew everything. Lol, even fancied myself doing Gods work. Pretty much just transferred a bit a bit of common sense living into a bit of grandiosity, the same sort that drove my existence for years. Suddenly, I went from insanity to doing the work of deity. Lmao, what about working on myself?
I was one of those idiots who spouted that everything I needed to know was in the first 164 pages of a certain book. Even though the writers of the unmentioned book made it quite clear on the last of those pages that they didn't know everything....I would mock you for disagreeing.
Freaking bitch to come face to face with that contradiction. "HP, tell me what you want, just don't let it deviate from those 164 pages." Friggin funny if it wasn't so tragic. It's been hard to get back into that, "I don't know shit mentality." Matter of fact, I'm not always there. Sometimes I feel like a member of a fundamentalist sect of some religion that claims unique knowledge of a gods will. Insane right?
Well, I'm trying. Some days better than others. Some times I question whether resentment really is the number one offender, spiritual fantasy has to run a close second. I just hope I keep suffering when I get cocky, I'd hate to let fantasy turn into resentment on the regular like it always had. Almost fun to catch myself being an idiot and watch things began to straighten out, I like growing up. Mistakes and pain can't always make me fold, sometimes growing up is just down right fucking fun...
I was one of those idiots who spouted that everything I needed to know was in the first 164 pages of a certain book. Even though the writers of the unmentioned book made it quite clear on the last of those pages that they didn't know everything....I would mock you for disagreeing.
Freaking bitch to come face to face with that contradiction. "HP, tell me what you want, just don't let it deviate from those 164 pages." Friggin funny if it wasn't so tragic. It's been hard to get back into that, "I don't know shit mentality." Matter of fact, I'm not always there. Sometimes I feel like a member of a fundamentalist sect of some religion that claims unique knowledge of a gods will. Insane right?
Well, I'm trying. Some days better than others. Some times I question whether resentment really is the number one offender, spiritual fantasy has to run a close second. I just hope I keep suffering when I get cocky, I'd hate to let fantasy turn into resentment on the regular like it always had. Almost fun to catch myself being an idiot and watch things began to straighten out, I like growing up. Mistakes and pain can't always make me fold, sometimes growing up is just down right fucking fun...
