Living in the "now" is an interesting phrase. We hear it often, are told how important it is, say "Yes, I know" and bob our heads, but do we really know what it means? This was something that baffled me for a long time. Of course I lived in the now, how could one live anywhere else? What kind of mystical bullshit are you trying to sell me? It's taken some time, and like every other concept I come across, its meaning evolves and takes on new meanings as time goes on and experience colors theory.
Tomorrow hasn't happened yet. In fact, it never happens. Any image of tomorrow we conjure up is illusion. A fantasy. I do spend an awful lot of time considering that magical place though, and I suspect, others do as well. I've learned that expectations cause an incredible amount of suffering and yet, isn't trying to set up the events of tomorrow indulging in the grandest sort of expectations? For my plans to come to fruition, wouldn't an insanely large number of people and events have to behave exactly as I expect them to? "Well," you might say, "I know tomorrow I'll wake up and go to work, just like every other day." Will you? How the hell do you know that? Who told you? If that scary monster under your bed gets hungry tonight, you might not be going anywhere tomorrow outside of whatever passes for Tupperware in scary monster leftover land. Anyways, I've got a lot less control over tomorrow than I used to think I did and there's really not much point in thinking about it.
Yesterday, ohh boy, now there's a tricky one. Son of a bitch to let go of, ain't it? If you're like me, you've probably spent an obscene amount of your today's replaying your yesterday's. Don't be ashamed, it's not an easy habit to break. Just as hard to remedy is building our now on past accomplishments. Giving a guy a quarter 10 years ago doesn't brand you a generous soul today. I can get a lot of mileage out of what I did yesterday, real and imagined, if I'm not careful. I need to grow. That means yesterday doesn't count. Tomorrow, I'll be different, no point in trying to plan for a situation that I'll have no idea how I'll react in. The only plan I can make is based on how I behave today and hopefully, I'll behave differently tomorrow. That's my plan, heh..heh.. Besides, resting on past deeds is a good way of me not having to check how I behaved today and that's scary shit my friend.
So, living in the now. How have I come to terms with this little pearl of wisdom? It has everything to do with acceptance. Not that I'm cool with everything that happens, every second of the day. That would be nuts. Life happens and sometimes I step in it. I don't have to like everything. Anybody that tells you they are 100% cool with life is full of shit. Period. If your dog gets run over by a pick-up truck driven by your ex-wife, you most certainly would not be 100% cool with that. What I mean by acceptance is that I realize that everything that happens is the only possible outcome given the events that led up to that thing happening. I can't change the now. But I can live in it. It's the only moment I can live in.
So, the past is gone and highly colored by my perceptions of what took place, the future has far to many variables to warrant me worrying about it, but I do have now. Very cool place to be.
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